I wanted to watch you drive away.

I can smell you on my clothes, in my bed, on my fingers. I would give up four senses just to feel you again.

This is long overdue.

But still very relevant.

The Ergs – 180 Degree Emotional Ollie

I don’t wanna be around when you start to fall apart. I don’t wanna touch the ground ’cause it’s me you’ll be walking on. And it’s so obvious that you’ll never come around. And I don’t wanna be around when you start to fall apart. So don’t come crawling back to these arms that once gave a shit about you, ‘cause I’m not falling for your dirty double tricks again. We’ve reached the end.

Arson vs. Mischief Under $5000

It’s 2 AM and I’m somewhere in New York state on a Greyhound back to Toronto. The bus is packed and Ernie is two seats ahead of me. Carl left yesterday and is already back in London. I’ve slept maybe an hour tops since boarding at 8:45 PM. Aida is taking me in once we get off this deathmachine and from there, I have no idea what is happening. All I know is that I want to stay away from London as long as possible.
I haven’t really blogged anything over the course of this trip other than quick recaps but I don’t regret it. The whole thing has been kind of depressing. Sinking further into debt, eating exclusively at diners, realizing that I hate my home more than anything. I meant that from the bottom of my shitty heart. Fuck London and every single scumbag that it houses.

If you came here wondering what I’ve done the past few days, here it is. Went to Long Island at some point to swim and dress up in crazy shit. Bought a new pair of shoes at the mall there. Spent way too much time in New Jersey getting way too attached to someone that, as harsh as it sounds, I may never see again. And even if I do, I’d never be able to commit to anything or care about her as much as she deserves to be cared about because I’m way too fucked up from the last time I got way too attached to someone. Oh, and I shaved my beard and pasted the hair onto Ernie’s face. I also started a fire with an entire can of gasoline that warranted three firetrucks and numerous police cars. Actually, the number of mischief charges I’d be slapped with if only the Lyndhurst police had any idea is surprisingly high.

A huge thank you to Monk and his mom for putting up with the three of us for so long. You’re both amazing and welcome to booby trap me in my own home should you ever come to London.

I miss someone from America. I only care about one person from London. I have mixed feelings about someone from Guelph. And one of the three should hate me, by all means. I’ll stop before I ramble.

I want to go home (to find out of I still have electricity, since I forgot to pay the bill that was due on the 7th), start the punk band I’ve been discussing with someone, get a job, pay off my debts, get tattooed, save up, and leave again for a long time. If you can help with any of the above, I want to hear from you. If you can’t, I probably don’t.

I’m such a hateful person, but why shouldn’t I be? Fuck this life.

New New Jersey Jersey: the state so nice, they named it twice.

This week has been amazing. Both amazingly disappointing and amazingly fun. The three of us arrived in NYC and immediately took a train to Secaucus, New Jersey, where a girl named Christiana met us and drove us to Pompton Lakes, where the band was playing a show that night. Greg drove over to the Starbucks we were at to discuss the plan to ditch the guys that night. He left, stating that he was going to grab the trailer and gear, pick us up, and we would be on tour. Simple, right?

We haven’t seen him since.

We’ve barely heard from him. He wouldn’t answer our calls, return our messages, nothing. We sat in a parking lot for three hours waiting for him and the best he could do was tell Christiana to meet him at the show and he would give her money for a hotel. $150 for a Best Western (the only option, after calling around) and $550 in bus tickets to get the three of us to and from New York, and Mr. Moore reimbursed us a total of $70.

Our new friend Monk picked us up Thursday morning after our KFC breakfast and we’ve been with him since. The rest of the day consisted of dropping our stuff off, sitting around and bitching about how we’d been fucked over (twice), then realizing (at least I realized) we didn’t care that much. I’m in NJ/NY and I’m going to make the most of it. That night I went to a conservation area and looked out over the New York skyline, complete with fireworks.

On Friday, we went into the city. As amazing as it’s supposed to be, I wasn’t very enthralled. We went to Times Square, then walked through Central Park – I stood about three feet from P Diddy and didn’t realize it until I turned around. We also saw hundreds of people running in their underwear for some reason. After that detour, we continued our 81 block trek to Tom’s Restaurant (better known as Monk’s Coffee Shop from Seinfeld). It’s 31 blocks from Jerry’s TV address at 127 W 81st St, so I highly doubt he ate there often.

That night we went to a place in New Jersey called Midgetville. If you’ve never heard of it, Google it. Weird shit. We also drove through some super sketchy gang-infested areas and saw the immediate aftermath of a drive-by shooting.

Saturday in the city: Ground Zero, Statue of Liberty, Union Square, Minor Threat t-shirt, People with AIDS Plaza, two buildings mistaken for the Empire State Building, Trump Building, City Hall, NY Stock Exchange, Seaport, Times Square again, etc.

Lots has been happening but I haven’t found a lot of time to write about it. No idea when I’m coming home – hopefully never – but I’ll let everyone know when I am.

Greyhound to NYC.

Such a strange turn of events.

I am typing this on my phone, while riding a Greyhound to New York
City. I woke up yesterday to a phone call asking Ernie and I to meet
the band on tour. We bought bus tickets and my mom drove us to Toronto
on a few hours’ notice. Carl is with us to play bass. It all seems
very surreal right now.

I’ve been meaning to take pictures of mentionable sights, but didn’t
think quick enough to catch one of Niagara Falls. I’m working on
getting one of the bald, sweaty head in the seat ahead of me without
the cool Jew two seats back that we’ve been talking to thinking I’m a
creep.

Fast forward to fifteen minutes from Penn Station. I didn’t get the
picture. We just drove by an overpass accident. A bunch of people and
cops were standing on the hill off the shoulder and all I could see
was a motorcycle helmet and a Nike.

The ride has been pretty decent. It definitely doesn’t feel like I’ve
been on a bus for ten hours (I’m typing this at 6:45 PM on Wednesday
the 16th). I feel surprisingly good. I’ve slept a bit, been online a
bit, listened to music for a bit, and talked to Ernie and Carl a lot.
I’m excited to get off the bus and into the city, but I’m not excited
to carry all my shit around.

Update soon.

Haven’t had a dream in a long time.

It’s strange, the things people say to you when they’re under the impression they won’t be seeing you for two months. Less than a week later, and everyone I know has gained weight from all the words they’ve been eating.

Since my last update, left Buffalo and spent four days in Guelph. I saw a bunch of friends, almost got “caught” smoking pot in a mall bathroom (obviously a misunderstanding), and told the reason I didn’t come straight home to London that I don’t want to see her for a long, long time. And though I’ve second-guessed and even third-guessed myself since I said it, I meant it. Oh, and I also threatened to burn down a [once] friend’s house… over a cat.

If none of this is making sense to you, don’t worry about it. I don’t expect it to.

I’m back in London now and far more depressed than I could’ve imagined. It feels like I was gone for much longer than a week, but nothing has changed. Apparently three of the most-up writers in the city were busted since I’ve been gone, though, so I’m having doubts about whether or not I’ll keep that up.

I’m surprised I actually left my apartment yesterday, my first full day home. For the most part I’ve been catching up on sleep, downloading new music, finding rides to shows I didn’t think I would be around for (if anybody from London is going to the Fullblast’s final show on the 30th, get in touch), and preparing to record some things. I’ll probably get around to getting my cover of The Smiths’ “Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want” up for the public then continue writing a new TCTL EP if I have any leftover motivation. And possibly a band version of an old TCTL favourite. Oh, and I’m working on starting a punk band.

Time passes slowly in this city so substantial updates will probably be a little more sparse. If anything comes of the few things I’m not able to talk about yet or any of the aforementioned plans, I’ll make mention of it.

I’m coming home. This is why.

Ernie got kicked out of the band this week. He was to be playing guitar alongside myself, and Greg (the manager) was going to cover bass duty. Sebastian was now coming back to cover Ernie’s position. Greg and Plunkett showed up, we all hungout, and everything was cool. Both of them seem like solid dudes.

A problem arose, however, when we hit the basement to jam next. It turns out that Greg doesn’t really know how to play bass. After a few possible solutions ran through all our heads, it was decided that Seb’s friend Mike would play bass on the tour. This is where Jordan comes in and I get tossed aside. The way it was explained to me is that Sebastian recognized an opportunity to fill the van with his friends and exploited it by refusing to come without them. Mike on bass and Jordan on guitar.

Am I bummed? Of course. Am I angry? Not really at anyone but Seb.

I find it ridiculous that while there are other solutions to the lineup problem at hand, they (essentially meaning Greg) decided to settle on the most temporary of all of them. In two months or less, neither Sebastian nor Mike nor Jordan will be playing in the band. I find it ridiculous that while the focal point of this band is their straight edge lifestyle choice, non-edge members continually come and go and take precedence over those that actually give a shit about the message they’re sending and aren’t along for a free ride. For a band that is mistakenly referred to as a hardcore band – a genre founded on and surviving on passion – time and time again, the people they choose to play their songs sure aren’t very passionate about what they have to say.

Anyway, there are your answers. That is the reason I will be in my apartment in London this summer and not in a van traveling across America. While in Buffalo, I got a callback for a job so I will probably go home and start working again to pay off all my debts. Miserable Summer ’08. Thanks, Seb.

Fuck everything.

Buffalo, part one

I’ve been in Buffalo since the evening of the 5th but this has been my first opportunity to get online. My mom drove Max and I up to Guelph on the 4th to meet with Ernie. Did some long overdue hanging out – rumour has it Jordan Stephan’s face looks fucked – and the next day, learned the parts of the set I didn’t know. My phone’s screen somehow fell off the keyboard/base (see: HTC P4000) so we hit the mall to see if Telus would give me a new one. I still have warranty left, but they wanted $125 for the new unit. As a result, I’m going to attempt to glue it.

Donny met us at the mall and Max and I headed back to Buffalo with him. The border gave us a bit of trouble, but I’m safe and sound in Uhmurkuh now. We headed out to a couple high school graduation parties as soon as we got back. Apparently it’s extremely common here to make a big deal of grad, rent a huge tent and tables for your backyard, prepare huge meals (sorry Lindsay, if that was your name, but your taco shells felt like rubber), and play Kan Jam. It should be mentioned that I fucking rule at Kan Jam. After the party with Kan Jam, we went to another grad party. It was super awkward and we didn’t even want to go to the backyard. When we finally did, some guy tried to stop us; turns out we were at the wrong house. When we found the right place, we swam, hit the hot tub, and told racist jokes. All in all, a solid night.

Today, I finally got to practise the songs with a drummer. We did our first runthroughs of the set and I feel it went smoothly. We stopped by the new house that Donny’s parents are building and did some work for them. I made my first Jackson. His head is shaped like Christopher Lloyd’s. Ernie came up later on and Max and I practised with him, too. I’m going to have the set down real well by the time we leave on Thursday. Tonight, a bunch of us went to some dude’s house that has a little home studio setup in it. We recorded sort of a noise track with gang vocals on it to use as our set intro on the tour. Donny and I worked on it, mostly, and we’re both stoked on how it turned out.

All in all, Buffalo (or the suburbs of Buffalo, really) is nice. Most of the kids I’ve met here are pretty cool, and they all seem passionate about music, local bands, straight edge, etc. It’s a weird change from London, where nobody cares about anything. I’m excited for our manager, Greg, and our merch guy, Plunkett, to show up tomorrow. It’s really going to start to come together after that, and I can’t wait to get on the road.

It hit me.

It’s 6:43 AM.

I’m trying to connect to my phone to my PC so I can put music on it, without much luck. I’m listening to Louder Than Bombs just in case it doesn’t, because I won’t get to hear it for at least another month.

Max is sleeping on my couch behind me. I met him and Donny last night and I have a good feeling about the friendships that will surely form between us. Donny seems awesome, I know I’ll have no problems getting along with him. I was worried about Max, to be honest, because he’s the youngest of us, but we hungout downtown London until 5 AM or so just talking and causing trouble and it cleared my doubts.

My mom will be in London in about eight hours to drive Max and I to Guelph, where we’ll be staying at Ernie’s, then leaving for Buffalo on Saturday morning. We’ll be hanging out and practicing there until the 9th, I think, then heading to the first show. I’m worried about everybody knowing the set well enough for us to sound as good as a band of this stature should. I hope it goes well. Before mom shows up, I have to go to the Passport Office and hand in my application (I’ll need it for our October tour). I also have to clean my apartment, pack, pay my hydro bill, call Telus and change my plan, and a few other things. I’m going to be busy, but relieved once I’ve finally left home – as well as worried that I forgot to take care of something.

My phone is now synced with my computer. Here comes 2 GB of music for the van. Needless to say, that’s not a lot, so I have to carefully pick and choose everything I think I’ll want to listen to for the whole summer. I think that if I’m in a good, happy mood, I won’t want to be listening to music and I’ll probably be talking to the other guys so I’m including most of my more mellow stuff for sleepy or moody times. Regina Spektor, The Decemberists, Postal Service, and Attack In Black’s acoustic record have all made the cut so far, amongst many others.

I don’t really have much else to say. I guess I’ll update again once or twice from Buffalo, and then attempt to get daily updates done from the road.

If you’ve read this far, you deserve a postcard – email me your address and city or state of choice: dylansmithxxx@gmail.com

07/10 Champaign, Illinois
07/11 Lake Station, Indiana
07/12 Southgate, Michigan
07/13 Charleroi, Pennsylvania
07/14 Manchester, Connecticut
07/15 Poughkeepsie, New York
07/16 Pompton Lakes, New Jersey
07/17 Rustburg, Virginia
07/18 Virginia Beach, Virginia
07/19 Wilmington, North Carolina
07/20 Buchanan, Georgia
07/21 Augusta, Georgia
07/22 Jacksonville, Florida
07/24 Titusville, Florida
07/25 Panama City, Florida
07/26 Baton Rouge, Louisiana
07/27 San Antonio, Texas
07/28 Albuquerque, New Mexico
07/31 Victorville, California
08/01 Anaheim, California
08/02 Fresno, California
08/04 Portland, Oregon
08/05 Richland, Washington
08/06 Harrisville, Utah
08/07 Denver, Colorado
08/08 Belton, Missouri
08/10 Wichita, Kansas

More dates are being added.